Protecter of the Coleslaw
by king's-own-knight
Summary: Well, believe it or not, the title says it all. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

I know, I need to finish my other fics, but I just had to write this. Actually the title was my friends idea, so the credit for that goes to Taylor. Whether or not this will have more chapters depends on how many reviews I get.

Disclaimer: I don't own the character's but the plot is mine! All mine!

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One day in a land far far away….

Alanna: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Die you stupid coleslaw!

Kel: Never fear, protecter of the coleslaw is here!

Alanna: Oooooooooooook, as I was saying, D-

Neal: I like pie.

Kel: OMG like me too!

Neal: Totally!

Alanna: I hate pie! Die former-squire!

Neal: runs away screaming like a little girl

Alanna: Die you stupid little pie eater!

Neal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Baird: Dude, shut up!

Joren: Yea, you're messing up my hair!

Baird: coughgaycough

Joren: Hey!

Kel: It's true!

Joren: At least Im not the protecter of salad!

Kel: IT'S FREAKIN COLESLAW!

Joren: runs away screaming

Kel: Die!

Neal and Joren: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Kel and Alanna: DIE!

Raoul: Um, what the crap?

Jon: Yo yo yo, Jon in da house!

Raoul: Shut up

Jon: You can't be dissin me!

Raoul: Watch me!

Neal and Joren: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Faithful: sigh humans

Kel: KITTY!

Faithful: Oh no

Alanna: It's a ghost cat!

Kel: KITTY!

Alanna: GHOST CAT!

Kel: KITTY!

Neal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Joren: Dude, nobody's chasing you!

Jon: He be trippin

Alanna and Raoul: SHUT UP JON!

Gary: How come Im not in this fic?

Kel: Cause you're fat and annoying

Gary: I'm not fat!

Alanna: Of course you're not… Hahahah I couldn't say that with a strait face.

Gary: sulks

Neal: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Kel: The coleslaw is safe and Neal ran off a cliff, my work here is done!

Creepy Voice in the Backround: Or is it…..

The End?

Ok, well review if you want me to write more. Review anyway. Flames are always welcome as usual. Pickles to you all!

-king's-own-knight


	2. Chapter 2

Well I have decided this will not be a 1 chapter story! Thank you reviewers! Pickles to you all! Oh, and you'll be happy to here I just got TQ today and when I finish it, I'll write the Tricksters Parody. I'm considering putting all of my Tortall Parodys together. Hmmmm. I probably won't. Okay I'm gonna shut up now.

Curly- Dude WTH? We don't have any HW on the comp inless its SS wtv, yea Kel is kinda like u, at least on the kitty thing.

TaYLOR!- Yea, but I mean really how could you think a real book was called that? Anyways thnx for the idea.

Lynnika- Yea, she is. Ill be sure to tell her you said so. She'll prob take it as a compliment

peter-pan-equals-luv- yea it was, but I have to put all my randomness somewhere! PICKLES!

wildace keladry2005- really? Tell me when ur done and Ill be sure to read it!

mwahaha- crazy? We're not crazy, we're just sanely challenged .

magequeen- Yea, he is isn't he. Oh well, I just love to make fun of jon!

Strawbeby- I had me at pie too.

Me- You're mean, many! And I will eat more chikin, so there!

LadyKnightOfHollyrose- I will but it might seem kinda pointless and plotless, just to warn you.

Cede- thanks

Catri Howlman-Carthaki spy- he is retarded

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Previously on Protecter of the Coleslaw…

Kel: The coleslaw is safe and Neal ran off a cliff, my work here is done!

Creepy Voice in the Backround: Or is it…..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Kel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Alanna: Dude, what the crap?

Jon: Fo shizzle- ow!

Raoul: Shut up

Jon: Why is everyone so mean to me?

Alanna: Cause you suck.

Gary: Hey, people hate both of us! We can form like, a cult.

Jon: Awesome

Roger: Can I join?

Gary and Jon: No!

Alanna: AHH-

Creepy voice: ANYWAY! The coleslaw is in mortal peril!

Kel: Um, why?

Creepy voice: Cause I said so, but in order to save it you must go to…. THE PIZZA PLACE OF DOOM!

Kel: -gasp- no!

Creepy voice: just shut up and go!

AT THE CREEPY PIZZA PLACE OF DOOM! ……

Alanna: This is creepy…

Pizza guy: Welcome to THE CREEPY PIZZA PLACE OF DOOM!

Neal: I'm baaaaack.

Kel: Oh, god shot me now!

Mithros: Okay

Kel: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mithros: Um, whatever…

Alanna: Okay, dude where's my coleslaw!

Kel: No it's my coleslaw!

Alanna: MINE!

Kel: MINE!

Pizza Guy: Actually, it's that dead gay guy with red hair's coleslaw.

AT LIAM'S HOUSE, OR WHATEVER….

Raoul: Liam's gay?

Alanna: You never guessed?

Jon: Fo Shizzle

Raoul: Come to think of it, its not really a surprise…

Kel: Dude, your boyfriend stole my coleslaw!

Alanna: No, JOREN's boyfriend stole MY coleslaw.

Kel: Oh, okay, isn't Liam dead though?

Liam: So?

Kel: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY COLESLAW!

Liam: That was a question not an exclamation.

Kel: I DON'T CARE!

Alanna: Dude, why are you talking in all caps?

Kel: Um, I dunno

Liam: Has anyone seen that rabbit who stole my coleslaw?

Kel: And you couldn't have just said that before?

Liam: No

Kel: Oh, okay.

AT THE TRIX RABBIT'S WHEREVER HE LIVES

Kel: Hehehehehehehehehehehe

Alanna: Whats up with her?

Raoul: Shes on a sugar high

Alanna: ooooooooooookay…

Trix Rabbit: Finally I got my trix!

Alanna: Dude, that's not trix

Trix Rabbit: Ah! Coleslaw! COLESLAW MUST DIE!

Kel: NEVER!

Alanna: Dude, you killed the trix rabbit!

Kel: So?

Alanna: Um, I dunno

Raoul: Where do we go now?

Kel: Follow me!

THE GIANT PICKLE OF DOOM'S LAIR

Raoul: Why are we here?

Alanna: Where's Neal?

Kel: Eating pizza.

Alanna: oh, okay

Kel: Oh my god!

Alanna: What?

Kel: Can I have your autograph?

Giant Pickle of Doom: Um, okay…

Alanna: Your squire's crazy!

Raoul: And your's isn't?

Alanna: True very true

Kel: Can we have our coleslaw back?

Giant Pickle of Doom: Okay

Alanna: That was… pointless.

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Well review! Or I'm not writing more. So, yea… That was by far the most random thing I have ever typed. Oh, well I did warn you.

Pickles

-king's-own-knight


	3. Chapter 3

Well, you can thank Microsoft word for this chapter. I am actually gonna write something semiserious soon. Just not now. Yea…. Anyways, your reviews….

Catri Howlman-Carthaki spy- thanks, I agree with her too.

peter-pan-equals-luv- I know, I finished TQ and I will write them soon!

PatronSaintOfEverythingWierd- I said you could give bad reviews but I didn't say I would be happy about it! ;) thanks for reviewing anyways

wildace keladry2005- Yea, I'm pretty slow too. I cant wait to read it!

Epobbp- thanks! I just love writing random stuff!

Taylor- OMG! I so want that dress! Give me some biscuit! -falls out of chair laughing- And I DO enunciate, you just don't listen!

Cede- hehehehehehehe thanks

Oh, and I'm taking a vote: Should I start writing normaly of keep the script style. Just so you know, I'm terrible at writing normally.

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**Um, Somewhere… At the Palace… Yea…**

Kel: Ladedadeda- What the- Who are you?

Celery: I'm your evil clone, Celery of Mandolin (A/N I'm not kidding that's the spelling suggestions for Keladry of Mindalen on Word.)

Kel: Oh, ok that's nice.

Alanna: Hey who are you?

Kel: She's my evil clone!

Alanna: How… nice.

Jon: f'oshizzle. I want an evil clone.

Kel: Well you don't get one.

Jon: Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Kel: Cause you suck.

Celery: And you have a normal name.

Alanna: I like Kel's idea better.

Celery: Well, you suck.

Alanna: You wanna start something?

Celery: Bring it, old lady!

Baird: Cat fight!

-catfight-

Alanna: Haha! I am victorious!

Celery: This means war!

**Mess Hall**

Celery: I have come to steal your coleslaw!

Alanna: Why does everything have to do with coleslaw?

Raoul: Um, Alanna it's kind of in the title

Kel: But if you eat the coleslaw wouldn't that be like, cannibalistic?

Celery: I'M NOT FREAKIN CELERY!

Kel: Hand over the coleslaw or else…

Celery: Or else what?

Kel: You have left me no choice….

**Final Fantasy Duel Music and Setting**

Celery: Oh, I love this music!

Kel: Yea me too.

Celery: I summon…. THE CELERY STICK OF NO GREAT IMPORTANCE!

Kel: -gasp-

Alanna: I shall whack you with my sword! –whack-

Celery: Ow.. I guess

Kel: I shall hit you with one of those wicked awesome spell things! –hits celery with a wicked awesome spell thing-

Celery: NOOOOOO! That actually kind of hurt!

Thayet: -Does dance that some how causes harm to the other person- (A/N I never really figured that out, I mean What the heck?)

Kel: I summon… IFRIT! -Ifrit blows Celery's head off-

-cool end of battle music-

**Yet Another Random Place of No Significance to the Plot**

Kel: Well, you people suck at video games!

Alanna: What's a video game?

Kel: -sigh- you're hopeless

**T H E**

**H N**

**E N D**

That the end thing is cool isn't it! I know I spend way to much time playing video games. That was based on FFX-2 but I haven't played it in a while, so that was kinda, very messed up. 7 days till Christmas! Merry Christmas people! Happy Hanukah!


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